30 for 30
A collection of things that feel important to me at this stage of life.
I’m 30! Age is just a number, so they say, but numbers are pretty important. I want to make a note of it is all I’m saying, and I’m noting it with the most banal of platitudes—a roundup of 30 things that feel important to me at this stage of life. But I actually really believe everything on this list has made my life more meaningful, and will have the same effect on yours.
The experience of growing old can feel jagged and abrupt in that there is a disconnect between how old we feel and how old we are. I often hear people say “inside I still feel young”. It’s tempting to dismiss that as meaningless happy talk but actually it’s often true, and it’s one of the strangest things about growing older.
When you’re always the youngest in the room, it’s natural to build a whole identity around this. Then suddenly—and it is sudden—you’re not the youngest anymore. You’re one of those anonymous older people. So now who even are you?
It’s true that age brings us a feel for the repeated patterns that constitute so much of human experience, and a clearer sight of the possible mistakes arrayed before us at any point in time (whether or not we make them anyway being another question). We’re also more set in our ways, more dogmatic, less prone to question our assumptions. Most cognitive decline is self-inflicted. This list of thirty ~ three zero ~ banal platitudes is my refusal to let this happen by a thoughtful reflection. We should all have life razors: a simple rule to help navigate life, and these are some of mine.
Love unreservedly. What if everything I touch receives a micro-dose of my love, the more touches the more love is infused. The meaning of life is to imbue as many things fully with my love as possible.
The Myth of Sisyphus feels deeply relevant to the way society views success—a falsified glorification of the summit: the promotions, the accolades, the wealth. But the summit is a moving target. No matter how high you climb, there’s always another peak in the distance. The people who reject this pursuit and find meaning in the climb itself have defeated Zeus.
Be brilliant in the basics. A good basic is hard to find. A dishwasher can make or break a restaurant. If there are no glasses, wine doesn’t get served. If there are no pots, food doesn’t get cooked.
Roughed-up golf balls actually travel farther than perfect spheres. Do stuff that roughs you up a bit. The ability to alchemize bad times into good ones is a superpower.
Add more rituals and rites of passages so that our lives are not a blur of ordinary days! The hippocampus decides whether a fact is worth filing away depending on if the amygdala has gotten worked up about it.
Avoid the irresistible impulse to judge my nearest and dearest people.
Optimus Prime giving a speech with Linkin Park playing in Transformers for the ending was one of the greatest creative decisions in cinematic history.
It’s comforting to be around somebody who knows something, who is skilled at their craft in life. When someone is confident it is nice to be around that energy because I can lean on it.
Aesthetics are not just appearances, aesthetics goes all the way to deep underlying meaning. You know something is correct when it is beautiful.
Merry-making is the embodiment of health: eating, drinking, singing, dancing, conversing. Throw a memorable party once a month. Hosting requires intension!
Figure out what I am good at without trying, then try. I can become the world’s best at something primarily by caring more about it than anyone else.
Have you ever got the point where the only thing you care about right now is water? When you are that thirsty, water becomes god. Everyone should experience the programs in our body that are hardly ever run. It should be a societal requirement to be in fight or flight more often.
Think in terms of decades, act in terms of days. Short-term thinking is the essence of sin. To win, you must study the end game and work towards the one you want to see. Our culture has a preoccupation with small time units, but that is not how greatness happens.
“My bounty is as boundless as the sea,” says Shakespeare’s Juliet. “My love as deep; the more I give to thee, / the more I have, for both are infinite.” That’s how kindness works too, it’s the most important predictor of satisfaction in a relationship. Make sure my first words every day are kind.
One shot of espresso and I’m replying to texts I’ve ignored for weeks and forgiving people and believe in love again.
I must be able to be in superposition with different viewpoints. Dine a la carte intellectually. I hope to write an entire book about this during my third decade of life.
Why we vote on a Tuesday is a great metaphor for who we are as people: It’s important to know the stories I have inherited both on a macro and personal level.
The news is mostly an aggregation of every bad event that happened in the last twenty four hours, anywhere on earth. If it’s not relevant in six months it’s probably not relevant now. Many people consume news voraciously, but remain stunningly ignorant. Consider: which country has a larger economy, Italy or Russia? What is the doctrine that separates Shiites and Sunnis? Did Robinhood accomplish democratizing financial access? I don’t read the news.
One secret to life is to put myself in the right lighting. Some occasions should be like broadway lights others like a lamplit desk corner. Only believe the things I say when the lighting is right: morning light, evening light, campfire light, mood light.
I must have physical exercise or my temper is ruined.
We hear stories of war and sunsets and sex and other engaging situations where people claim it to be some of the most significant experiences in their lives because they are fully immersed in the present. All I have is my attention.
Compliment others on something they are working really hard on but haven’t perfected. Compliment progress and not what they already know they’ve achieved.
When was the last time you saw an unhappy kid in elementary school with a cast on? Nothing safe is worth the drive, take risks and be uncomfortable! Be brave and aggressive.
Souls are like sheep, constantly grazing. If you place sheep in a field of poisoned grass, and they consume this grass little by little, they will eventually wither and die. Similarly, if you surround your soul with unwholesome influences, then gradually your soul will take these in.
Have a Spotify playlist for every occasion. Find yourself or lose yourself in the songs. Let it slice you clean in half. Then go off to the post office or something.
Tradition is deeply important because I am learning from the distilled wisdom of those who came before me.
I love my routines. Routines are amazing in one single way: they take away the need to make decisions about mundane things. Routines free up mental space to allow for curiosity to thrive.
Read! There is something intrinsically valuable in having that glimpse of humanity in a slightly different configuration—different values, technologies, economic structures—that widens your perception of your own moment.
The three most powerful mind-altering drugs: DMT, love, and momentum.
Never assume the motives of others are less noble than mine are to me.
There’s something freeing about being a little difficult to define. When people ask what I do, and I don’t have a neat sentence ready. When I feel like a contradiction, but in a way that feels honest. I don’t owe the world simplicity. I’m allowed to be layered. I’m allowed to change my minds. I’m allowed to not fit into boxes and still be whole.
Heavy-tailed distributions are really unintuitive to most people, since all the “action” happens in the tiny fraction of samples that are outliers. But lots of important things in life are outlier-driven, like jobs, relationships, where you choose to live.
Spend more time with people for which the following is true: my soul feels filled up after, enthusiastic listeners, the activity doesn’t matter just time with them, those who are kind, challenge me to be better because they want to grow with me, I can sing fearlessly in the car with them, grocery store trips turn to adventures, a clever pun to lighten the room, genuine feelers, hard workers, articulate communicators, anyone who understands when I need space and when to push my buttons.
Thanks for reading. Move on the 30 things I’m becoming in Part II of this post.